Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Mixed Feelings

I got a text message today from Caleb's birthmom saying that his bio-dad is really sick. Bio-dad was diagnosed with lymphoma several years ago and nearly died. He's been in remission for awhile now, but the disease has come back with a vengeance. Somebody, probably Bio-dad's mom, sent a text message to everyone on his cell phone saying he was back in the hospital undergoing massive chemotherapy and awaiting a stem cell bone marrow transplant.

While we have a wonderful relationship with Birthmom, Bio-dad made it clear right away that he wanted no contact with us. When he first found out about the pregnancy, he told Birthmom to have an abortion. Caleb was only born because Bio-dad thought Birthmom went through with it. He delayed the relinquishment process by playing games with the social worker over signing the papers. He broke Birthmom's heart and told the social worker that he wanted no contact with Caleb. He's never been my favorite person.

However, if it weren't for him, we wouldn't have Caleb.

About two months ago, Birthmom called saying Bio-dad was coming for a visit. We were all baffled by this, but guessed that perhaps his health was declining, as doctors made it clear that he would probably not survive his next bout with cancer. The date he gave her came and went, which was typical, but Birthmom did receive a call saying he had doctor appointments he couldn't miss. There was a mixture of relief and disappointment, as we never intended to meet this man, but he is Caleb's bio-dad. The text message today confirmed the worst.

Bio-dad has two children of his own. His son, Caleb's only bio-sibling, is only five years old. Bio-dad is only 29 himself. From what I know of him, he's not in a really good place with God.
There's got to be some good in him, because Birthmom did love him. I'm just afraid that he may never get the chance to find that goodness and fully express it. He may run out of time first.

So tonight I find myself praying for the man who was responsible for our son's existence, but who never wanted him in the first place. I'm praying for his son and his wife and her daughter. I'm praying for Birthmom, who loved our son enough to give him life, who had the wisdom to know that bio-dad would never be the father Scott is, and yet who is inextricably bound to bio-dad by her love for Caleb. I am praying for a glorious miracle of time that would allow all of us to work this out

1 comment:

Ronnie said...

Love you guys and thank you!!!!!