Saturday, May 28, 2011


I had a conversation last night with two dear friends who I love very much, in which they were trying to justify the hypothetical decision to leave my job. They both felt strongly that if my work is not being valued by the leadership, it would be in my best interest to leave for my own happiness. My counterargument? I love my kids, I love the community, I love my job, and regardless of the inadequacy of the "leadership", I would never abandon my kids or the community. I don't do the work for recognition, I do it for the kids, because I believe in them.

I explained to my friends that I am good at commitment. As the words were leaving my mouth, I recognized the truth in them. I am not good at many things, but I am good at commitment. And I have learned that commitment is not always fun or self-satisfying, but in the long run the commitment is ALWAYS worth it. There are many areas of my life in which this is true.

Today, I finally took a couple hours to myself while Caleb was napping (!) and watched Eat, Pray, Love, which I read several years ago but had not yet watched. At the end of the movie, I was curious as to whether or not Liz continued the relationship with her male love interest at the end, so I started searching the Internet and found that she wrote this book. Notice the title. Yes, I ordered it.

But how does one explain to two people, one in their twenties and one in their early thirties, neither of whom is in a relationship or parenting, the rewards of commitment in ways that they will understand? I can understand why, from the outside, commitment might look like a lot of sacrifice for very little reward. I can understand why my life, my job, might not seem very rewarding. I can understand why they would not make my choices. Nor would I expect them to.

During the school year, I have no time to philosophize or ponder. But summer is coming. You have been warned.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Just as September brings beginnings, May and June bring endings. We went to Nikki's final drama showcase yesterday, Caleb's final open house today, will soon be attending his final Little League game, and of course the school year is screaming toward a close.

Tonight also marks the first night that we are a family of four since March 2009, when Devon came to stay with us. Right after he moved out, Emma moved in. But tonight Emma is on her way to go camping with her family and will be back Tuesday to take her belongings. And so another chapter in our lives closes.

I would have loved for Emma's departure from our home to be triumphant. I am a fan of fairytale endings. But everything in her life is rather undecided right now, some things because of choices she's made and some things that are beyond her control. But God has made it clear to all of us that this living situation is no longer working, and we need to honor that.

Neither of us would change our decision to include Emma in our family for the past 19 months. We have learned so much and grown as a family through this experience, and we will always love her. Hopefully, she will take something good away from her months with us. But it is time. Time for her to figure out what path she wants to take. Time for us to refocus on each other. Time for Nikki to have her high school experience.

But tonight, the house just feels empty.

Monday, May 23, 2011


Caleb is seven today! It's so hard to believe that he is already seven, but then again I have trouble remembering life without him.

I took the day off so I could make cupcakes and take them to his class. Then it occurred to me that Ronnie was off this week, so I texted her and she came, TOO! It was fun to surprise Boo. We are so, so blessed that she plays such a big role in his life. I think that it's hard for some people to understand how our relationship works so well, but I love that it does. AND I love that she and her family love Caleb so much.

Happy birthday, Boo! Thank you for bringing so much laughter and love into our lives.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Caleb was SO EXCITED to go to school today. He's been having a great time looking forward to his field trip tomorrow, and to his birthday next week. Life is just awesome for him right now. Except for baseball. While he is REALLY GOOD at it, and has a great time while he's there, every game is preceded by a nuclear meltdown. We can't figure it out, we can just plan on it. So when Caleb woke up, we had this conversation:

Caleb: Is it raining?
Me: Yes, it is.
Caleb: YES!!!! NO BASEBALL!!!

However, when I went to pick him up from childcare, I was greeted with a yellow card from his teacher for (of all things) WRITING ON THE SIDEWALK AND WALLS WITH CHALK. He was MORTIFIED and hung his head out to the car, then proceeded to sob all the way home. I tried to calm him down. I told him that the teachers don't want chalk on the sidewalk at school, but it's still okay at home. He wasn't buying it. He came in, packed his little rolling suitcase, and told me he was running away. Except he didn't actually go anywhere; he just sat on the stairs and put his head in his arms. Even worse, while he was doing this I was checking the status of his game and found out it was NOT CANCELED.

After about ten minutes of sobbing and crying and refusing to put on uniform items, then lamenting the non-uniform socks, and that he can't tie his shoes yet, we finally walked out the door with a snack to eat in the car.

Then we got to the game, and he was HAPPY and played really well! He got two kids out at second with some great catches, got a hit every time he was up to bat, scored several runs. And he LOVED every minute of it!

I am really beginning to think there's something to signs. Caleb is a textbook Gemini.

Monday, May 16, 2011

In other news...

Caleb's pediatrician just called (yes, at 8:00 at night). When he was there for his well-child visit, one of the CNAs gave him a color-blind test. Unfortunately, she had no idea what she was doing. The pediatrician reviewed the results she remembered after all the patients left, and according to her report the results indicate that Caleb is not only green color-blind, but COMPLETELY color-blind. Which makes learning your colors by age five seem pretty darn impressive, no?

That boy just amazes me.


Scott is out of town for five days. He rarely does this, and I don't think he's ever left me for that long during school days. The weekend was fine. But Scott is the morning person in this family, and I had concerns about what this was going to look like. My concerns were not unwarranted.

9:00 pm: Finally get kids to bed. Set alarm for 4:50. Cringe.
10:00 pm: Get into bed, grade stories.
11:00 pm: Turn on news, fall asleep immediately.

5:50 am: Wake up. Notice it is very light outside. Look at time on clock. Look back at window. PANIC! Realize that it is useless to panic. Wake Caleb up, get his clothes out, prepare breakfast, make lunch, shower, get dressed, gather belongings.
6:30 am: Amaze myself by being ready to go only ten minutes late.

Tonight, I will not only SET my alarm, I will also TURN IT ON.

Scott, COME HOME!!!